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Archive for October, 2014

Parenting Fail….

So as most of you know by now I am a SAHM of three kids. Which can absolutely be the worlds hardest job.

The other night, we kind of had a blow-up….and for anyone that knows us, knows that blow-ups are like little tiffs in our house. Well our oldest son who just turned 8 mid October still has accidents one in awhile in the middle of the night. I’ve done a lot of research and some kids who tend to be heavier sleepers do have accidents during the night because their brain just doesn’t make them realize that they have to go to the bathroom. I’ve talked to his doctor numerous times and they say not to worry until they hit about age 10.

Well my son has now gotten into the habit that he doesnt tell us that he had an accident and he’s hiding the clothes under his bed, in his closet, you name it. Wherever he can hide it…he does. So there are days where i will spend 2+ hours ripping his room apart scrubbing it and wondering why it STILL smells like urine. Can never find it. Ever!

Finally, jesus christ finally…..I did their (my 2 boys) laundry on Sunday and found the urine soaked clothes hiding in the middle of a clean clothes basket. (I suck at putting laundry away). I had to wash the clothes three times in order to get the odor out. I almost just threw them all away and bought new stuff, but shit kids clothes are just too damn expensive to be doing that. So I finally dried them, and sanitized the washer and the dryer because you dont want everything smelling like urine after that.

Well I got to the point where I was washing sheets literally every other day or so for awhile and my husband would want to ground my son. I personally dont believe that you should punish a child for having an accident. I believe you should punish a child for HIDING that accident. But regardless I can admit that I suck at discipline. I make him stay in his room for about an hour or two and then he’s done. Well my husband is convinced that he needs to be in his room every day until the end of time. Which I get because for the love of god I have never in my life seen him that mad. I cant believe we all made it out alive.

So the solution seemed to be buying those stupid overnights for kids 6+ who still have accidents. So I did. And I showed them to him. And then I made him wear one to bed last night. He was HUMILIATED. He cried and sobbed and kept saying that he wasnt a baby. And I mean duh he’s 8 he isnt a baby, but I am sick of not being able to let him go to friends house for sleep overs and I am sick of washing sheets all the time.

He woke up dry this morning thank god. And I told him that every morning he wakes up dry…I will put a quarter in the peepee jar I made….and if he pees….he has to take a quarter OUT and give it to me….and usually I put those in his sister’s piggy bank. She’ll be rich my god. But I hope this works…and if any other moms out there read this and have advice or opinions….for the love of god GIVE THEM TO ME!!!


Our scars remind us that the past is real….

And that they do. Most of you know that recently I did sort a sexy little photo shoot. I didn’t do it for anyone but myself. But then I saw the pictures and all I could do was think about how empowered and beautiful I felt. With the flaws, the imperfections, the scars. I still as beautiful as ever.10728678_10152756270042180_716130820_nAs you can see in this photo quite clearly on the left side of my body I have a scar. You can only see about 6″ inches of the scar. The scar in total is closer to 11 1/2- 12 inches or so. It goes from the my side most of the way up my back. And I am DAMN proud of this scar. I wear it proudly. 8 (gosh) almost 9 years ago I had an experimental spinal surgery because I had a very bad case of Scoliosis. I spent 1 week in the ICU and then another 2 weeks in the standard hospital. I look and see this scar every single day remember what a fighter I was. How strong I was at 17 to have an experimental surgery and live through it. 

I remember the day where I used to wear long XL flannel button up shirts to hide my brace. I remember when I would never wear a bathing suit, or a crop top, or anything at all that showed skin. That turned me into a SUPER modest person until I was able to come out of my shell. 

I had an anterior spinal fusion. L5-T11 I believe is what they keep telling. There is still a lot that I cannot do. One of which is stand on my feet for more than 15 minutes at a time. Sounds dumb right? Its not…..I had a lot of nerve damage during surgery so if I stand longer than 15 minutes pins and needles happen, and then sharp knives happen. 

But just look at that photo above….do you see imperfection? Do you see ugly? Do you see intimidation? Do you see a young lady being modest? Because I dont. I see a beautiful woman who wants to show the world that no matter what….scars, birth marks, etc, whatever god gave you…Makes YOU WHO YOU ARE! Don’t ever be ashamed of it. 

Photo credit to:


I am beautiful…..

That’s right… matter what they say!

I am not a size 0. I am not a size 2. It doesn’t really matter what size I am….do you know why? Because having three children gave me the body that I have today. I am at time semi self conscious about how I look in clothes, or naked, or in a bathing suit….but this recent photo shoot that I did…..made me lose all self consciousness. This picture….I am beautiful.

My stomach is not flat… breast are not big….my hair is not perfect….but it is a beautiful photo. I am a beautiful person. I am me.

Photo taken by Revealed by Green Photography - words added myself

Photo taken by Revealed by Green Photography – words added myself

For all the women who aren’t a size 0-2 including myself but have always wanted photos like this done….look at this photo. My stomach isn’t flat, I don’t have huge boobs, etc. I am an average mother of 3. But look at the beauty of a woman’s body. I gave birth to 3 children. This one picture in particular made me the proudest of my body I have ever been. DO THE PHOTOS. You have no idea how much self confidence it brings you seeing them. You don’t have to show the whole world. They can private. But don’t let your insecurities hold you back. EMBRACE them! Show them! You are beautiful no matter what body type you are. Thank you Revealed by Green Photography for allowing me this eye opening and beautiful experience. I will be forever grateful.

Trust me….again I cannot say this enough….if YOU ever had a feeling that you wanted to release your inner inhibitions and do a photo shoot like this, I URGE you to do it. Find a photographer you are comfortable with! If you live in the Illinois area….I highly recommend you contact Green Photography and schedule a shoot. IF it makes you comfortable there will be a woman with you helping you pose, helping you hide parts of your body you don’t want seen in a sexy tasteful way. What could it hurt? If anything…..your significant other will be mind blown.

Here is the direct link to Revealed by Green Photography via Facebook….like the page….look at his work….

Adopt a family for Christmas

We are up to 14 nominations and two donations!!


This season i am in the most giving mood I’ve ever been in in my entire life. Maybe it’s because I am in a great place. Or maybe I’m not as cold hearted as people think I am.

Above is a link where you can donate to help a family have the best Christmas possible. I haven’t chosen a family as of yet but all nominations are due 11/1 by 11:59pm CST.

If you have a nomination, please send it to with a subject of Christmas.

Many thanks in advance for all the help for these wonderful families.


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Adopt a family for Christmas

This season i am in the most giving mood I’ve ever been in in my entire life. Maybe it’s because I am in a great place. Or maybe I’m not as cold hearted as people think I am.

Above is a link where you can donate to help a family have the best Christmas possible. I haven’t chosen a family as of yet but all nominations are due 11/1 by 11:59pm CST.

If you have a nomination, please send it to with a subject of Christmas.

Many thanks in advance for all the help for these wonderful families.


Seeing red….

Most people don’t believe that it’s true that a person can see red. However, today I have come to realize that it is in fact something that you can see when you are truly angry.

I’ve come to notice that I’m not someone who sees read necessarily when they’re angry, but when they’re sad as well. I became a mother at the age of 18 and gave up a lot of things. I gave up nursing school and I gave up the dream of getting a psychology degree. I gave up a lot but my main thing in life is to be the best mother that I could possibly be.

At the age of 21 my husband and I decided that we were going to go ahead and try for a second baby. At the time I was going to school to obtain my Associates in psychology hoping I would be able to go further. Unfortunately that didn’t happen and that’s a dream that I have since let go.

Don’t get me wrong, the best thing I’ve ever done in life is give birth to three children that I have. But at the same time, I noticed that becoming a mother at the age of 18 I lost a lot of things, mainly friendships. I have friends that I thought would be friends until the end of time and in the end completely abandoned me. Now normally this isn’t something that would get to me but there are a few friends that I had even throughout rough times in my life that I thought would be by my side.

My husband and I went there a rough patch and almost went through a divorce, fortunately we were lucky enough to reconcile. In the last three years of our reconciliation I can count three maybe four friends that have stuck by my side and by the side of my husband without judgment of the situation that we went through.

Since becoming a stay-at-home mom I no longer have workplace friends that I communicate with on a regular basis. I have come to understand that Facebook and whatever social media or texting that you use does take two however I am a mother of three kids and I run a business sometimes two businesses and I just don’t have the time to reach out like I wish I did. However something today set me off to the point that I realized I truly do not need these kind of people in my life.

We become friends with people who surround us our kids are the same age we hang out all the time I have noticed that I have become the odd man out just like in every such a situation that I have ever been involved in. Then for some reason whether a person takes a liking to me or not I am the odd man out. My husband on the other hand everybody loves him. They love his personality, they love his being , they love who he is I however am not that person.

I have a very strong and stubborn sense of humor and sometimes I let it get the best of me. I let my opinions take over I let a bad mood take over sometimes I have a black cloud that takes over. Sometimes I just get in a funk that I cannot get out of and a lot of people in this world do not understand things like that. However if they took three seconds out of their day to ask how I was doing they would understand it completely.

Today today that was an example for me. My kids noticed that my neighbors were playing and I decided that I would let them go over there and play no problems. I love my neighbors to death. I consider both of the mom’s best friends of mine I feel like I can come to them and talk to them with no judgment. However over the last few months I have come to realize that I’m no longer included in things. I’m not included in walks, I’m not included in play dates. There’s a lot that I’m not included in and I’m unsure as to why.

It could be the fact that I have two school-age children also the only one that’s home with me all day is my one year-old and it just so happens that she doesn’t nap at the times that they do their walk so their play dates I just wish that they took it upon themselves to ask me if I wanted to go on a walk or have a play date I I understand that she is a year old but sometimes one year-old need interaction but let’s be real here I’m the adult that needs the interaction with other adults.

I have lost countless friends I have come to terms with the fact that I have lost count as friends I don’t really care about the friends that I have lost what I care about is there are times where I feel like I am completely alone and I only have one person in my life that I can turn to two if you decide that you’re going to count my husband but let’s be real husbands don’t really want to hear about female problems or anything like that.

My best friend has listen to me for years and hence never once pass judgment she’s giving me the best advice that she could she’s giving me advice that I’ve taken that I haven’t taken that I probably should have taken but regardless she is always there to listen to never judge to be my shoulder to cry on and she is the only person that I have we’ve been friends for about seven years now and she means the world to me and she is the only person I have that I feel I can count on her and her husband

I do have a friend who I consider a sister that I have been friends with for about 14 years now but I barely talk to her I talk to her maybe on a one week basis sometimes I’ll go months without talking to her and realistically that’s how our friendship has been but again I have come to feel like I am the ad woman out so I am at the point where I am seeing ride and just seating because I am so upset that I’ve realized that I truly am alone I have me my three children and my husband everybody else I get is just a luxury friends are a luxury everything in life is a luxury you only need the people that you have in your circle and I have those people but that does not make it any easier for me to see people have friendships that I wish I could be a part of I’m not the kind of person that is going to insert myself into somebody’s life because I want to be your friend either you want to be my friend because you like me for who I am or you don’t want to be my friend because you don’t like me for who I am but don’t make me feel like I am the odd person out.

To everyone who has stood by my side if you feel that this bike is directly toward you please feel free to reach directly out to me and maybe we can chat those of you who know this blog is about yell it’s not in a negative way whatsoever it’s just me getting my feelings out there I appreciate that everyone has been there for me not a lot of people have passed judgment yet again not a lot of people have known what I’ve gone through in the last eight years of my life so for those of you who have been there the last eight years and who have witnessed my ups and downs and have still stuck by my side you are more appreciated than I could ever tell you or I could ever show you

Depression at its finest….

If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m candid. I have no filter. And I don’t care what people think about me. But there has been a few things weighing heavily on my mind I’d kind of just like to get out there.

First I will start with saying that I am not depressed whatsoever. If I were depressed id have no problem admitting it because well I want people to finally once and for all feel comfortable talking about an unacceptable subject.

It’s 2014 and we still cannot openly talk about depression. It’s as if we are still in the 1960’s. If you’re depressed you suck it up and deal with it. If you succumb to medication you keep it quiet because you are a failure.

You’re not weak. You’re not a failure. In fact it’s quite the opposite. You are strong and admirable! I’ve actually had two women come to me today to discuss their issues with depression, life, and medication. It’s nice because I have a degree in psychology but will never psychobabble you to death. At the end of the conversations each girl came to realize that they ARE strong. They were never weak and they are stronger because they reached out to someone to talk to.

We’ve all had our bouts with depression whether you can admit it or not. It’s okay if you can’t admit it. And if you do admit it, no one will think differently of you. Hell they might even admire you and realize they aren’t alone. Talk about it. Do something about it. It’s depression. It’s not the Black Plague. It’s not contagious. And just listening to someone who reaches out can do more than you realize.

Be happy. Be YOU. Be kind.