Seriously. All you read about is how much sex your single friends are having. The status that sparked someone’s actual interest in what I had to say about this topic. How many times on average are you having sex with your partner that you’ve been with for over one year?
Just that status right there sparked a huge debate and I was inundated with messages about how so many could relate but no one wants to talk about it. You know what I say? Fuck. That.
Every article I’ve read, it says two to three times a week is the average for a married couple in America to have sex. Um. Nope. First of all, I have three kids. I’m exhausted by 7:00 pm most nights. Like I’ve said before….life is insane. Especially with even just one kid. This is an argument that my husband and I will continue to have on probably a nightly basis. You have to factor a lot of things into this debate. Life, medications, medical diseases, jobs, stressors, etc. Now! We know guys think with their dicks. It’s the truth and if any guy tries to deny that, I’ll shut it down real quick. My husband is most definitely one of those guys.
Here’s a couple facts about me. I’m 26. Which means not in a sexual peak. Let alone the fact that I have 3 monsters running around the house. I suffer from severe anxiety and actually have to take medication for it. Klonopin. The real strong stuff. I take a full pill at night and half in the morning. It puts me on my ass every night. I sleep like you wouldn’t believe. Even ask my husband. He’ll tell you the same. I don’t know if you know this but one of the side effects of that b medication is decreased sex drive. Before I started taking it I had insomnia and panic attacks at night. So then I was exhausted every day from not sleeping. Which meant no sex. Ever. Maybe Friday night’s because I got to sleep in on a weekend.
Three kids. I think that right there explains a whole lot. The two other are in school. The oldest all day, the middle for half days. Then I have my one year old daughter. Literally up my add all day every day. Do you have any idea how annoying it is for someone to touch you sexually or not after your kids has been climbing all over you all day long. You can’t even shit without the kid. Now I signed up for all of that. So really I can’t complain. At. All. But then again it’s my right as a woman. (Lol). I have to cook three meals a day not that I always do, clean the house just about every day because it’s expected to be spotless. Plus laundry and homework. And whatever else is thrown my way in a day.
By 8 pm I’m just ready to sit down and catch up on my dvr. The husband is usually doing his side business stuff in the evening and status up till at least 10. I generally stay up with him and I don’t even know why because I’m just past the point of exhausted.
My husband feels as if he’s entitled to sex every single day. And then when I say no, all hell breaks loose in my house and we don’t speak for days. He’s says it’s because I don’t appreciate him. Um. If I have to show my appreciation by laying down for y
ou every night you need your head checked. I get that he works his butt off so I can stay home but still. Get real. Sex is literally our only argument. Every other aspect of our marriage is okay.
Why don’t guys understand that intimacy isn’t just about sex. We can talk. Cuddle. Take a walk. Other things we don’t always get to do because of all the kids or day to day life. There has to be a middle ground. But we can’t seem to find it. Yes I suck at communicating things with him just as he does with me.
Now he does so nice things for me every one in awhile. But his nice things consists of buying me new panties or something sexy to wear. It needs to be more than that. But he doesn’t see that. And I can’t make him.
A lot of women need to understand if they are in the same spot that I am in, you’re not alone. You don’t have to feel like shit about yourself just because you don’t feel like laying down at least once or twice a week. Try and make your partner realize what’s going on in your life. Communicate if it’s a medication side effect. See if they can help relieve your daily stressors even though they probably can’t. Try to make them know you do appreciate them without having to have sex all the time. It’s not the most important part of a relationship. Sure, yeah it’s important, but not the most important thing.
You’re worth it. Even if you don’t feel like it, you are. And no one should ever make you feel less than that.